When Someone You Love Is Struggling: How Loved Ones Can Seek Help for Addiction
A perspective from an addiction specialist
When a partner, child, sibling, or close friend is battling addiction—whether it’s substances like alcohol or drugs, or behavioural addictions like gambling, pornography, or compulsive spending—the emotional weight can be overwhelming. Loved ones often carry fear, confusion, guilt, and exhaustion, all while trying to “hold everything together.”
As an addiction specialist, I want to say this clearly: you deserve support too. Addiction affects the entire family system, and healing requires care for everyone involved—not just the person using.
Why Loved Ones Need Support
Addiction is not simply a personal struggle; it’s a relational one. Loved ones often experience:
Chronic stress and anxiety
Hypervigilance (“waiting for the next crisis”)
Emotional burnout
Isolation or shame
Confusion about what helps vs. what enables
Loss of trust and safety
Seeking help is not a sign of giving up—it’s a sign of strengthening your ability to support in a healthy, sustainable way.
How Loved Ones Can Seek Help
1. Reach Out to a Therapist or Counsellor
A professional who understands addiction can help you:
Set healthy boundaries
Understand the cycle of addiction
Learn communication strategies
Process your own emotions
Avoid enabling behaviours
You don’t need to wait for the addicted person to be “ready” before you get help.
2. Join a Support Group
Community is powerful. Groups like:
Al‑Anon
Nar‑Anon
SMART Recovery Family & Friends
Gam‑Anon (for gambling addiction)
These spaces offer connection, shared experience, and practical tools. You quickly learn you’re not alone—and that others have walked this path and found stability.
3. Educate Yourself About Addiction
Understanding addiction as a health condition, not a moral failing, changes everything.
Learn about:
The brain’s reward system
Triggers and cravings
Relapse cycles
Behavioural addictions and compulsive patterns
The difference between support and rescuing
Knowledge reduces fear and increases compassion—both for your loved one and for yourself.
4. Create a Personal Support Network
Tell trusted friends or family what you’re going through.
You don’t need to share every detail, but having people who can:
Listen
Offer perspective
Help in moments of crisis
Give you a break
…can make a world of difference.
5. Set Boundaries That Protect Your Well‑Being
Boundaries are not punishments—they’re clarity.
Examples include:
“I won’t lie or cover for you.”
“I won’t engage when you’re intoxicated.”
“I need to protect my finances.”
“I need time for myself each week.”
Healthy boundaries reduce chaos and create space for the addicted person to take responsibility.
6. Consider Family Therapy
Addiction impacts communication, trust, and emotional safety.
Family therapy can help:
Repair strained relationships
Improve communication
Reduce conflict
Build a shared recovery plan
Even if the addicted person isn’t ready, family therapy can still support your healing.
What About Behavioural Addictions?
Behavioural addictions—gambling, pornography, gaming, compulsive shopping, overeating—can be just as destructive as substance use. Loved ones often feel confused because there’s no physical substance involved.
The same principles apply:
Seek education
Get support
Set boundaries
Work with professionals who understand compulsive behaviours
Behavioural addictions respond well to therapy, structured support, and accountability systems.
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
When someone you love is struggling with addiction, it’s easy to lose yourself in the chaos. But your well‑being matters. Seeking help is not abandoning them—it’s strengthening your ability to support them without sacrificing your own mental and emotional health.
Recovery is a family journey, and when loved ones get support, the entire system becomes healthier. Sometimes, your healing is the very thing that inspires your loved one to begin their own.